So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
