hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
