if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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