Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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