So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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