people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
