i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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