My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
