sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
