i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
