Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
