I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
