I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
