Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
