You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
