so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
