he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
