so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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