I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
