2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
