is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
