I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
