Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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