if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
