I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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