She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
