So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
