Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
