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All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
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