at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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