My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
