i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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