look no pants
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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