dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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