I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
