I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
someone owes me an orgasm
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
