i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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