Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
