We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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