Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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