Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Randomize
