She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
