I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
