False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
