I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
