He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Someone came in the potted fern
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
