Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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