Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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