I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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