The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
